


the good kind of loneliness

by sunsetblurs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Brooding Taeyong, First Meetings, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Strangers to potential lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25719715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetblurs/pseuds/sunsetblurs
Summary: Taeyong thinks he wants to be alone for a while; to run away from people.But once he meets Yuta, he quickly realizes that there’s at least one person he doesn’t want to run away from but rather wants to run towards.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	the good kind of loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> if by any chance you want to help me pay rent, you can send me a [coffee](https://ko-fi.com/sunsetblurs), i would be eternally grateful <3

Taeyong wasn’t sure where he’s going; he just knew he had to leave. To disappear for a few hours because the notion of existing wasn’t doing it for him anymore.

Taeyong didn’t particularly enjoy being and feeling this overdramatic but sometimes it was necessary, sometimes he needed to let his mind wander into places he usually never allowed himself to even dream of. The issue that always presented itself when he did, though, was that he rarely managed to handle it in a healthy manner.

You see, imagining you’re at the top of the world with no ghosts of your past following you, with absolutely nothing holding you back, is so so wonderful, but the fall from that to your everyday life, where there is way too much holding you back is never easy; thus, Taeyong ends up being and feeling overdramatic with his ‘I need to leave’ shenanigans.

He never has a specific place in mind – a place he always goes to to calm his mind – because nowhere worked for more than one time. Taeyong just walks and walks until he has to sit somewhere because he’s not the fittest person out there, thank you very much.

This time wasn’t any different; he walked, took a turn here and there, and ended up wandering around a pond, a lake possibly, Taeyong wasn’t very good at identifying different bodies of water. He wanted to sit on the bench that was near the water, but it was occupied by a loud group of children and Taeyong wasn’t too fond of children, so he scratched that idea right away.

Eventually, he managed to walk around the lake – or a pond, who really knows – and his legs refused to continue going, so he just sat down on what faintly resembled a shore. Taeyong was actually quite happy with the spot because he was far enough from the loud children not to hear them yet he could still look across the water and see the life continuing there while he was away from it. Realistically, his life didn’t stop in any way just because he was sitting on a shore, but a man can dream.

Taeyong didn’t remember ever being here before, but the atmosphere was oddly nostalgic and Taeyong was more than happy to just bask in the calm atmosphere of his whereabouts. He quickly checked his phone (he told himself he wouldn’t, but it was a bad habit at this point – looking for reasons to start brooding when there’s no notifications).

One thing Taeyong really disliked about himself was that despite not having too many friends and spending most of his time alone, he’s never been able to properly learn how to be alone and not feel lonely. He didn’t allow himself to think about it too often, but he knew that the loneliness was always there, at the back of his mind, reminding him every now and then that he wasn’t worth anyone’s time. It was quite the depressing way of looking at his own existence, but the feeling always came back to bite him in the ass when he least expected.

Like now, for example.

He went on this walk to get away from everyone yet all he wanted to do now was desperately beg for one of his friends to come here and brood with him.

But instead, he started taking pictures of the water and the trees around to distract himself from, well, himself. It worked in a way; he wasn’t thinking about how lonely he feels, he was thinking about how meaningless his life is instead. Taeyong was, for better or for worse, quite cynical in that aspect. He never felt like life has any meaning yet he still enjoyed all the little things when he could. He considered himself to be a cynical optimist, if that’s even a thing.

Taeyong was taking pictures of the trees and while he didn’t believe there’s any point in that, he enjoyed it nevertheless.

After being satisfied with his photography collection, Taeyong sat down again and went back to looking at the water; he could hear a frog somewhere on his right but he found it oddly calming to know there’s someone – something – else with him.

“Is this seat taken?” a voice behind Taeyong sounded which made the man jump almost comically. He was too busy listening to the frog that his brain didn’t register someone approaching.

Taeyong turned around to look at the culprit and he was surprised when he saw that the man standing behind him didn’t have any fishing equipment – his brain assumed it would be a fisherman for some reason. This man, however, didn’t seem like he cared about fish too much. He looked around Taeyong’s age, but that was where their similarities ended really. While Taeyong thought of himself to look very sharp, the man standing behind him had very soft features with a prominent pair of lips somehow tying it all together perfectly.

Taeyong wasn’t sure how much time he spent staring at the man, but he figured it must’ve been a while when the man started looking around nervously, shifting on his feet. Only then it hit Taeyong that he was asked a question he never gave a reply to.

“There are no seats here,” another thing Taeyong disliked about himself was that he didn’t know how to talk to new people. He was painfully talkative with people he was familiar with, but when it came to strangers, Taeyong always either said something stupid or began sharing his whole life story, usually it came to both eventually.

“Yeah, I know, I was just trying to be funny,” the man wasn’t blushing but Taeyong could tell he was feeling embarrassed by the way he was avoiding eye contact when talking. Good going, Taeyong, you just made this poor man uncomfortable.

“You can sit wherever you want,” Taeyong said, trying to sound as welcoming as he could, but he didn’t think his voice was naturally too welcoming so he wasn’t sure if he made it work.

Taeyong wasn’t necessarily shy but he often found himself being very cautious around new people. Sure, this man didn’t seem harmful at all; in fact, his smile made him look pure if anything, but Taeyong was still careful. For now.

The man sat down right next to Taeyong and maybe it was a bit too close for two strangers, but somehow the distance – or the lack of it – was welcomed.

Taeyong originally came here to be alone but now that he had someone next to him, he realized that being alone is the last thing he wants.

“I never saw you hang out around here,” the man noted. He didn’t sound like he was asking for an explanation as to why Taeyong was there and the latter appreciated that. His reason of wanting to run away from the world suddenly sounded way too silly to be shared with anyone.

“Never been here before actually,” Taeyong eventually said. The man once again didn’t seem to want to know more as he just nodded with a soft smile. “I assume you come here often?” Taeyong didn’t know how to talk to new people without being invasive, but this seemed like an innocent enough question.

Despite being cautious around strangers, Taeyong was very open – a bit too open. That was probably one of the reasons he was so careful around new people in the first place; he knew how honest he can be and knowing he could share all his secrets with anyone on a bad day scared him. But somehow he didn’t feel this particular fear to the extent he normally did with the man sitting next to him. He was ready to ask and to answer anything and everything.

“Yeah, few days a week if I find the time. I love it here,” Taeyong wanted to ask why but he didn’t have to ask as the man continued talking even without being prompted to. “It’s gonna sound super silly, but I like the contrast between this side of the lake and the other side,” Taeyong couldn’t help but smile. He initially felt like his own idea of this side of the lake being a separate world was childish but it seemed like the man next to him shared his view.

“I was thinking the same thing when I got here,” Taeyong admitted, making the man giggle – fucking giggle – softly.

“My name’s Yuta, if by any chance you wanted to know,” the man – Yuta – continued staring at the water and Taeyong wasn’t sure if it’s because he enjoys it so much or just because he felt shy, but both options made Taeyong feel very _fond_.

“I’m Taeyong,” he said with a soft smile lacing his features.

Neither of them said anything for a while but neither of them felt like there was uncomfortable silence between them. The frog on their right was still enjoying its life to the fullest, few birds flew by here and there too, so realistically, there was no silence to be uncomfortable. Taeyong very quickly understood why Yuta would want to be here multiple times a week.

“What do you think when you look at the water?” it was Yuta who spoke again. Taeyong didn’t answer right away, because he wanted to think it through; he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Yuta, even though they were strangers and Taeyong usually wouldn’t care about what a stranger thinks of him.

Yuta was different, though. Somehow, Taeyong already knew that.

“I think of loneliness,” Taeyong finally said. “But the good kind. The kind that doesn’t make you feel lonely, but the one that makes you feel at peace; with yourself and with the world,” Taeyong could feel his ears heating up after he was done talking because god, that must’ve been the most pretentious, pseudo-intellectual thing he’s ever said. Sure, it was the truth but that didn’t make Taeyong feel any better. Especially knowing that what he felt had more to do with Yuta rather than the water.

Fortunately, Yuta didn’t seem to mind too much. “I like that. I usually think something along the lines of _hm, water_ but your thoughts are more poetic,” Taeyong couldn’t help but laugh and Yuta quickly joined him. “No, but seriously,” Yuta added after they were done. “I like your thoughts,” he smiled.

“Why did you come here today?” Taeyong wasn’t sure if asking that wasn’t too intrusive but worst case scenario was that Yuta just wouldn’t answer, so he decided to risk it and ask.

“The same reason as always, to ground myself,” Yuta answered right away without a hint of hesitation. “Life is hectic and looking at how the water moves makes me feel stable, despite the irony,” Yuta wasn’t looking at Taeyong when talking but the latter didn’t mind; it gave him a good opportunity to bask in the other’s beauty without being noticed. Obviously Yuta knew that Taeyong was looking at him, but he couldn’t see _how_ Taeyong was looking at him.

“So you lied,” Taeyong noted. “When you look at the water, you don’t think _oh, water_ ,” Yuta finally looked at him then and despite the two of them having eye contact before, Taeyong was still practically rendered speechless.

“I guess I was,” Yuta smiled softly. “But it wasn’t intentional, I just didn’t realize,” Taeyong nodded. He also often found himself saying things he realized were lies five minutes after saying them; the majority of the lies being about his thoughts and his feelings as well.

They then once again fell into a comfortable silence and Taeyong wasn’t sure just how long they spent just siting there, but suddenly it was getting dark and chilly and Taeyong felt himself shiver. “I should probably go,” he noted. He didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay with Yuta, but telling someone you met an hour or two ago you want to stay with them forever didn’t feel like a good way of making friends.

“I’ve been here longer than usual,” Yuta said before standing up. Taeyong felt warm inside knowing that the not-so-hidden message behind the sentence was that Yuta stayed longer than usual _because of him_.

“Maybe you should stay longer more often,” Taeyong suggested. He liked that he didn’t have to specify what exactly he means yet they both knew. “Maybe tomorrow,” he added with a cheeky smile on his lips.

Yuta was quick to join the _game_. “Maybe. It would be nice to see the sunset again,” he said before turning around and slowly walking away in the same direction Taeyong assumed he came from. No goodbyes or anything.

Despite being cold, Taeyong stayed a bit longer. He needed a minute or two to go over everything in his head since he could get overwhelmed by the smallest things easily; and meeting someone new was more than a _little thing_ to Taeyong. Especially meeting someone like Yuta.

Taeyong initially came here to be alone, but now he didn’t want to be here alone ever again. He wanted Yuta to be there too, whether they talked or not, whether they were happy or sad, Taeyong wanted Yuta there, wanted this to be _their_ place.

And with that goal in mind, he was more than excited to watch the sunset tomorrow.


End file.
